I only landed in Bangkok less than 12 hours ago and already I have spent the majority of my time inside the hostel, alone, crying. In fact, the tears started before I even landed onto Thai soil and they continue to fall as I type this messily worded flow of consciousness into my phone from the darkness of my bed.
Bangkok is a strange place. 10 million people packed into this squirming city. The roads full of beeping horns, whistles and revving engines. Pavements pounded by people's feet. As a lone traveller it can feel as if you could easily slip away or disappear, and nobody would even notice.
This hostel feels somewhat the same. I can hear the voices and the chatter, but each time I venture downstairs to the common areas to try and join in the conversation there's no one there. Just some of the hotel employees, someone sweeping the floor, another on the reception desk. When I do eventually find conversation it's in a different language, and the instant barrier keeps me at arms length.
Earlier I mustered up the courage to walk to the local shopping mall. There were tourists there, but all in pairs or groups. There is something truly heartbreaking about realising how much you'd love to share an experience with someone, but there's no one to share it with. I took a few photos of the mall's extravagant decoration and my pad Thai and sent them back home via social media.
At least I know I'm not on my own (if you'd excuse the ironic use of this phrase... I've never felt so alone). Earlier a friend told me that their friend had also stayed in this hostel and also found it very quiet. Reviews online state it to be clean, tidy but not very sociable.
Tomorrow, I check in to a hostel nearer to Koh San Road. Some of the reviews said it was sociable, others said it was quiet. I hope that the fact that it was nearly sold out means that there will be at least some other travellers there.
A good night's sleep, some conversation and maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.
