Backsliding

Backsliding, as defined by urban dictionary, is "sex with someone you were previously dating or hooking up with. Specifically after a falling out or a bad breakup and tends to make things more complicated." Basically, it describes that moment where you end up in bed with your ex, when you probably actually shouldn't have ever spoken to them again. Hilariously, it can also mean "to revert to sin or wrongdoing, especially in religious practise", which isn't dissimilar.

The do-we, don't-we debate

I think we've all done it, or we know someone who has, and we've witnessed the drama which ensued. Ordinarily, there is usually a reason for a break up, and rekindling that relationship for purely hedonistic reasons, doesn't really seem worth it. And most of the time it probably isn't...

I used to think it was an awful idea, a mistake that one should strive to not make. I didn't think that it could help things in any way, but I have to say that my opinion has been somewhat changed. Yes, there are circumstances and situations where this would help no one because things would get even more messy, but there are other situations where it isn't the worst thing you could do.

For some relationships this can mean closure. It sounds silly but going back to an ex after a break up can help you to realise just why you broke up in the first place, and can help you move on. Of course, there are other ways to do this, and sleeping with them may not be the best way. In fact, it probably isn't the best way, but still, it could help.

Alternatively, it can just end up a big mess. Longing out the end of a relationship minimises your chances of a clean break and ultimately just ends up with more heartache. A friend of mine continued to sleep with their ex for a long time after their official break-up and had no qualms about it. A year on and they're finally done. It might not have been the perfect situation, but it worked for them. Did it lead to more heartache? Possibly, but I don't think they have any regrets.

So, whether it is a drunken mistake or a lonely midnight request, it's one that you should probably avoid. If you know you'd regret it the next day, that's when you know it's not right for you.

Being Single Makes You A Better Friend

I'm going to put this out there; if you're single you're a better friend than if you're in a relationship. Of course, this might not be the case with everyone but I think it's true for a large proportion of people. If you've ever third wheeled, or been ditched in favour of a boy/girlfriend, then you probably already know this. Sometimes couples suck.

Imagine not being able to dance to this with your clique..

1. If you're single you can commit a larger proportion of your time to your social life, this means you get to spend more time with your friends. You don't have to divide your time between your boy/girlfriend and your group of friends. This means that you're pretty much on call 24/7 for whatever your mates might need.

2. You're always up for a night out. You won't ever turn it down because you're sad because you're missing your girl/boyfriend, or because you're seeing them tomorrow and you can't be tired. On top of this, you're better when you are out. You don't sit there sober and moody on your phone desperately texting your other half. You dance, you have fun.

3. You're the perfect wingman/woman. If your mate wants to get on someone, you can get on their friend. It's perfect, and it works every time. You guys can even double date. You haven't got commitments, you don't need to worry. It's a brilliant plan.

4. You don't have to run crying to your friends every time something tragic happens with your boy/girlfriend. Okay, so you do complain about being single a fair amount, but your friends won't ever have to comfort you whilst you hysterically cry because your boy/girlfriend hasn't replied to your texts and you're worried they're going to break up with you.

5. Your friends don't have to get on with your boy/girlfriend, because you don't have one. You don't have to put your chums into an awkward situation where they have to make small talk with them, or pretend that they like them. They probably wouldn't have that much in common with them, and there would always be an underlying competition for your affections. This way, your friends get you to themselves.

Brrrrrrum

Just a little photo dump whilst I work out what to post on next! It's been bloomin' chilly in Birmingham recently, but also pretty beautiful.

 

(@ Boston Tea Party on Corporation St.)

Picking University Halls

It's around this time of year that people start confirming university places, putting firm & insurance choices, and picking university halls. That makes me feel very nostalgic, but it was a scary time! I think I made the right choices, and hopefully the things I've learnt will help you to make some good decisions too.

Panoramas make rooms look weird

CATERED OR SELF-CATERED.

Not all universities offer the option of whether to be catered or self-catered, but the large majority do. I was in self-catered halls and that worked perfectly for me. If you're in catered halls you'll have the option of having food cooked for you and maybe a bit of a better diet, but you might end up having a smaller kitchen and you won't have the choice when it comes to meals. Ultimately, it will probably come down to how much money you have and how good you are at cooking for yourself. I will say, however, that you will learn even if you're not that great at the moment.

PRIVATE OR UNI OWNED.

I was in private halls in my first year and they were perfect for me. There are quite a lot of external companies which own student accommodation, and this is sometimes better quality or cheaper than the university given accommodation. However, you'll probably want to look at who will be in your halls. You will, most likely, want halls with people from your own university (rather than any other unis in the area), and with people in the same year as you, so other freshers. You will also want to look at the location of the halls. Private halls sometimes are some distance from the university owned accommodation, and you might end up a fair distance away from people you meet or make friends with.

VALUE OR LUXURY.

You will find that the price of the halls you're looking at might be the biggest deciding factor for you. The cheapest of all of the halls will probably be the highest in demand, so if you are on a budget you will want to apply ASAP. Check how much money you'll be getting from student finance, because you may find that your loan doesn't even cover the price of rent. I found that even the most expensive halls at my university weren't that much better than the halls I was in, which were the second cheapest.

EN SUITE OR SHARED.

The prospect of sharing a bathroom with a stranger is a bit too much for some people and they end up applying for en suite accommodation. I applied for a mixture of the two and ended up in a flat which had a shared bathroom. We were all girls so that made things a little bit easier (probably), but we didn't have any problems. I would even go as far as saying having to share a bathroom meant that we were a little closer, because you can't just hide in your room forever!

BIG OR SMALL.

The numbers of flatmates you have will have an impact on the feel of your flat. I think this is just a case of personal preference. Bigger flats can be a little bit nosier, but you have the assurance that you'll definitely get on with at least one of your flatmates! My small(ish) flat was lovely and we were all quite close, but it did mean that when two of my flatmates dropped out we were left with only three of us!

SINGLE OR MIXED SEX.

Some universities allow you to choose between being in a single sex flat or a mixed flat. I think this is, again, down to personal preference. I chose to only apply to mixed flats but actually ended up in a single sex flat, and although I was cautious at first, I really loved living with just girls. However, I'm sure I would have been happy in a mixed flat too. It's more about their personalities than it is about which gender they are, and that's something you can't pick!

This is 'The Vale', one of the student villages at University of Birmingham. The photo on the left shows 'mason' & 'shackleton' is in the distance on the right!

In the end, you want to pick somewhere you really like the feel of. Speak to previous residents, or people you know at that university and ask for their opinion. Beware of hall rivalry, which might lead to a slightly distorted view of some of the halls, and make sure you consider your budget before applying! Having a room where you can roll out of bed into university is perfect if you're lazy, but not having to get a taxi on night outs was something I liked best about my halls - so consider location carefully! Overall, don't panic. You'll make friends no matter where you are, and as long as you make the most of it I'm sure you'll enjoy it!

Going Braless

Firstly, I haven't posted in ages so I do apologise. Christmas, essays and deadlines all snuck up on me but I am finally out of the other end of that tunnel and back to writing again, once I can think of things to write about... In my absence not much has changed, but I did turn 20! My teenage years are over! Anyway, here goes my first post of 2015... onto what I really wanted to say.

Nicki knows....

If you're someone who wears a bra you'll know how uncomfortable they can be. They're expensive. They press into your skin and make strap marks on your shoulders, and that's if the straps aren't always falling down. If you've ever been poked by an underwire that's gone walk-about, you know the pain I'm talking about. Bras peak out of your clothing and ruin the sleek look you were trying to go for, and don't even get me started on backless, multiway, strapless and stick on bras. Bra science is too much for me. 

So, I've sorta' given up. Well, not completely, but I have a new found confidence when it comes to going braless. I have no idea why there's such a stigma when it comes to not wearing a bra. In fact, I know exactly why, but people are misinformed and you're all making the wrong decision. Free the boob!

And I know what you're all thinking. So let me prove you wrong on a couple things...

1. NOT WEARING A BRA DOES NOT MAKE YOUR BOOBS SAGGIER. In fact it's been found to be the opposite. You denying your boobs gravity by wearing a bra is more likely to make them get saggier, I'm afraid. Plus, you're more likely to do more damage by wearing the wrong bra size, and you'd be surprised at just how many people are wearing the wrong size.

2. YOUR NIPPLES CAN EASILY BE COVERED UP. There's nothing wrong with showing a little erect nipple when it's chilly, but if that is something you want to avoid you easily can. Just pop on some nipple covers or avoid wearing thin fabrics. No one need know.

3. YOUR BOOBS AREN'T TOO BIG TO GO BRALESS. It does not matter how big or small your boobs are, if you want to go braless, then do it. Just remember that when you're running down the stairs or for a bus you may knock yourself out with a flying boob.

4. OTHER PEOPLE WILL SEE AND REALISE. Who cares! Your boobs, your decision! I really do not see what is wrong with a boob not being in it's padded, underwired prison cup.

All in all, I think once you try it you'll also agree that sometimes braless is best. I'm not suggesting you burn your bras (they're expensive, don't do that), but don't be embarrassed to abandon your over the shoulder boulder holders, even if it's just for a night.

Single for Christmas

I've noticed that for some reason people like to be single in summer, but have someone in winter. Probably saves on heating bills. But I'm here to tell you that you don't need to man/woman for the holidays, being single is just as good.

1. SAVE ON PRESENTS - you don't have to buy presents for that special someone. You don't even have to think about buying presents for them. You don't have spend ages trying to guess what they want, or think about if you're even doing presents, nor how much you should spend on them.

2. YOU CAN KISS WHO YOU LIKE - waiting around the mistletoe is something that has to be done. You have the mystery of not knowing who you'll bump into under there. Plus, when the clock strikes twelve at midnight on new years eve you can kiss whoever you would like, within reason of course.

Throw on some tinsel & sequins and enjoy yourself

3. NO AWKWARD FAMILY MEETINGS - you don't have to hang around awkwardly at your boyfriend/girlfriend's house whilst all of their family gather and exchange presents. You don't have to make small talk with people that you've never met before, or just sit there silently like an extra piece to a jigsaw puzzle whilst they go through their Christmas traditions.

4. YOU CAN SPEND TIME WITH YOUR OWN FAMILY - Christmas is a time for family and now you can spend some quality time with your family, on your own. You can play some board games and stuff your face with Christmas food without having to play host to someone the entire time and having to make sure that they're entertained. Plus, you don't miss out on time with them, because  you can stay at home the entire time.

5. YOU CAN BE SELFISH - you don't have to share your chocolates with anyone. Or your presents.

6. ALONE TIME IS GOOD TIME - if there's any-time to be alone, Christmas is the best time. Christmas isn't exactly a lonely time, so being single at Christmas isn't too bad. In fact, it's probably the best time for you to be single. You can keep yourself busy, and surround yourself with friends and family, plus it's acceptable for you to stuff your face and eat an entire terry's chocolate orange in an hour.

The Future

The usual conversation that will follow from someone asking me what I study, is what I then intend to do with my degree, and the answers is always the same; I don't know what I want to do after uni.

In first year it wasn't really a big deal, and maybe it still isn't now, but being halfway through my degree already I do sometimes think that I need to get a move on. When I was in sixth form I had several ideas about what I wanted to do at university, and now I'm at university I have several ideas of what I'd like to do after university, but they're just ideas, and I'm so indecisive.

When I listen to other people talking about law conversion courses, teacher training and placements, it actually makes me feel a little bit ill. I know that there are things that I should be looking in to, in order to help me to decide, but I can't even decide on them. It's terrible. Googling what to do with my life hasn't helped much either - I wouldn't recommend google for drastic life decisions.

Not even slightly helpful

Currently, I have about three or four ideas floating around in my head, but I wouldn't have said I'm very sure of any of them. As a person who always has to be organised and plans things months in advance, not knowing makes me incredibly anxious. It's not that I'm not driven - I want to go and do things with my life, it's that I don't know what I want to do. Most people I know have dreams that they want to go into a certain career, or work with children/animals, or just make lots of money. I know I'll have to make money, but doing what?

I think perhaps the problem might be to do with the number of people who aren't getting the jobs they want when they leave university. Or a job at all, in fact. I know that there are people who have not only worked a lot harder than me, but actually are a lot cleverer than me, and I'll have to compete with them for jobs. That's scary stuff. If you've ever seen the TV programme 'drifters' then you'll know what my fears are. Ending up back at my old part-time holiday job full-time whilst stuck living at home.

All I know right now is that I don't fancy doing a postgraduate degree, three years at university (and £27,000 in fees) is enough for me.