Date a Mate

It's the traditional storyline of at least 40% of romcoms; the female lead runs around with a whole lotta' terrible men and is sworn off love forever, before realising that she's actually in love with her best friend, who's been in love with her the whole time. The poor guy has been rolling around in the friendzone for a while, a territory that I'm sure a lot of you guys would recognise.
 But, actually, it's true, dating a friend is one of the best things you can do... Here are 6 reasons why:

1. THEY KNOW YOUR WORST. They've seen you at your best, as well as at your very worst, and they're still attracted to you. You don't have to keep up the false pretence that you're flawless 24/7 because they've already seen you in sweats and a hoodie, in desperate need of a shower, and they still think you're fit.

Come at me boys

2. YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST THEM. You guys already had no secrets, and you already trusted one another with your lives. Trust is a big part of a relationship, and knowing you can fully, 100% trust them because you already did makes things plain sailing. You guys can share more than just secrets, with confidence.

3. YOU FAMILY ALREADY LOVES THEM. No awkward introductions here, they've been coming round to your house for years and your mum was already in love with them. Your siblings get along with them better than you get along with your own siblings, and they've managed to charm their way into your family's hearts already, even your dog loves them. Plus, your mum had already planned the wedding, she just didn't tell you.

4. YOUR FRIENDS LOVE THEM TOO. Yeah, at first they'll think it's a little bit weird, but they've been trying to get you two together for years. They always thought you were perfect for one another, and your friends love them just as much as you do. Therefore, having you both together is the dream they've been waiting for.

5. THEY KNOW YOUR RELATIONSHIP HISTORY. They know who your first kiss was, and the embarrassing story about your 'first time'. They know that you had your heartbroken and you've broken many in return. They've watched you go through arguments and relationship fights, and they've been there for you when you needed them, so they know how to not go wrong. They'll treat you right.

They are always supportive of your mistakes, and help to guide you in the right direction, even if it's by using playful force

6. EVERYONE ALWAYS TELLS YOU TO MARRY YOUR BEST FRIEND. When you date someone that person becomes like a best friend to you anyway. You guys have just skipped a step, why waste time, this way is so much more efficient. You guys both know that you get along so well, so you needn't worry about that. You're both into the same things and could talk for hours on end. No awkward first date moments here, perfect.

Checking Your Boobs

This probably sounds like a really weird thing to write a blog post on, but it's important, so why not write about it.

Over two years ago, when I was 17-years old, I found a lump in one of my breasts. It was a pretty sizeable thing and I'm not going to lie - I panicked. I think finding something like that is something that you know could happen to you, but you don't expect to happen to you, and it was scary.

I headed to my GP and she sent me to a local hospital and to their breast clinic where they took an ultrasound, a biopsy and told me that they thought it was a fibroadenoma.

Fibroadenomas are non-cancerous, benign lumps made out of fibrous breast tissue. They're pretty common, especially in young women, but can occur at any age. So, my practitioner told me not to panic, but that they did want to remove the lump because it was so big. A few months later I went in for surgery. They removed the lump under general anaesthetic and I was able to go home later that same day. I have been left with a small scar, but the surgeon was clever and managed to mostly hide it.

If you're well enough to instagram, you can't be that sick.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, I think it highlights the importance of knowing your own body and making sure you do check it from time to time for any abnormalities. Also, I think there is a culture among young people to just assume that because they are young they are also healthy. This case might not be the best example because fibroadenomas are benign, but any abnormalities in your breasts could indicate something wrong - so get it checked out!

Boys this goes for you too. If you notice something that you don't think is quite right just pop to your GP and get an opinion from a health professional. Don't feel embarrassed, it is much better safer than sorry!

Birmingham, in the Holiday Season

This will be my second Christmas season spent in the beautiful Birmingham. Once university breaks up for Christmas in December I head home, but before that there are plenty of festive things to do out & about in Birmingham to get you in the mood.

The Frankfurt/German Market. If you go into the centre of town around Christmas time this one is hard to avoid. All along New Street from the station to the Bullring stalls are set up selling festive goods such as food, drink and chocolate. It can get really busy in the evenings, so try and get there early, but it's one not to miss. It's open now and will remain open until 22nd December everyday 10am-9pm!

The Ice Rink in Centenary Square. As part of the festive activities there's also an ice rink and big wheel put up just outside of the ICC/Library on Broad Street. The Ice Rink is open from 10am-10pm everyday until the 4th January and has varying ticket prices according to whether it's peak or off-peak, but they do offer a discount for students.

The Bullring. Festive shopping is one of the best kinds of shopping, I always think. The Bullring gets into the Christmas spirit early and is full of lights and decorations. The shops themselves are beautifully festive and if you go on a weekday it should be less busy. Both selfridges and debenhams, at both ends of the bullrings, have tons of decorations up already and just wandering around either of them will gives you loads of gift ideas.. or if you're like me, way more things to add to your wishlist!

If you're broke and can't afford to spend a whole lotta' money on festive food, drink and fun then you only have to walk around the town centre to see the beautiful Christmas lights, for free! 

Feminism

I am probably not the best qualified for writing on a subject such as feminism but I've found that it is a topic which has become much more important to me since beginning university. It's probably a term that you have come across before, but will find being used more frequently now you are at uni. 

Feminism means different things to different people, this is something I have learnt. Like most terms, its meaning has changed with the society in which it has been used in, and it means something different now than it did 20 or so years ago. I would refer to feminism as the movement for the equality of the sexes. This means that if you refer to yourself as a "feminist" you believe that both sexes should be equal to one another, in all areas.

Dapper Laughs has been in trouble recently, with ITV dropping his show due to public complaints over him being sexist.

It's not hard to understand why we need feminism. The wage gap, and number of women in high powered jobs, shows the difference between men and women in the workplace, but there are many other areas in which one could say that women and men are treated differently. Feminists often call for a thing called the patriarchy to be brought down. A patriarchy refers to a society run by men for the needs of men. They believe that we live under double standards and unfair expectations because of the perceived difference between men and women. 

Feminists don't have to be female. They can be of any sexuality. They don't have to believe that women are better than men, only that we are, and should be treated as, equal. (This is something I have come across a lot too, people thinking that feminism means hating men. That's not the case at all. If feminism was about hating men that would make feminism about men... It's not. It's about equality).

If you are interested in why feminism is important the web is a great place the start. There are lots of twitter accounts, Facebook pages, websites and blogs which speak about feminism and can help you learn even more. "@EverydaySexism" documents, via tweets, sexual harassment & assault experienced by everyday normal women, helping women to know they're not alone. You've probably all been catcalled or had someone slap your bum, @EverydaySexism tweets other womens experiences, and your own (just @ them or #everydaysexism). "Whoneedsfeminism.com" asks exactly that. They take in submissions from people all around the world voicing their reason for needing feminism. 

These are two great web pages to start looking at if you are interested, want to know more or have a question which has gone unanswered.

Finally, although these are the things that I have come to learn about my perceived feminism, feminism can be a very personal and individual thing. Just like other things in the world, not everyone believes the exact same thing. Although the basis and premise may be similar, there are many branches and different ideologies, just like anything else. Bare that in mind when reading anything or speaking to anyone. It can be a case of opinion, so don't be discouraged if someone does not wholly agree with you, or has a different idea altogether.

What's on my iPhone?

I've had my iPhone 5 for little over a year now and it's never out of my sight. I quite possibly have an addiction, I never leave home without out it. But whilst I have had it tightly grasped in my hands I've managed to find the perfect apps for almost everything. So I thought I'd share. I've also listed my preferred lightning cable at the bottom for people who are struggling with finding decent replacements for the apple ones...

These are my two home screens. I have most of the basic apps on here and then a couple extra, then most of my other apps are managed into folders. I'll give you a quick run down, on the left hand side:

• I'm on the three network and their handy 'THREE' app lets me check my bills, allowance and also has a game built in. 

• The 'BANKING' app allows me to make transfers, payments and use online banking from my phone because I am with barclays. It's such a life saver to be able to check your balance from your phone.

On the right hand side of my home screen: 

• 'THETRAINLINE' app allows me to check train departure and arrival times as well as platforms, and means I can buy all my train tickets from my phone. 

• 'PINGIT' is a barclay's app which allows you to send money to people only using their mobile number, which is really useful, I've spoken about it before. 

• 'COUNTDOWN+' is an app which gives you the days, minutes, seconds, etc. left until an event, such as your birthday or holiday, and you can sync it with facebook which is pretty cool.

• 'CHARADES!KIDS' takes the game of charades and makes it even more exciting. You hold your phone on your head and a word comes up on the screen that everyone else must then act out to you. It's great for when you're waiting for something, or car journeys, etc. 

• The 'GOPRO' app is a must have if you own a GoPro camera, or use one, if not it's probably pretty useless to you. It lets you control your GoPro over wifi (providing it's compatible). 

• 'DREAMY' is a dream journal. I've started writing my dreams down and they're pretty hilarious to look back on. 

• 'SHOEBOX' backs up all of my photos on my phone and laptop. It also shows me which photos I took on this day however many years ago, which is always very embarrassing, but funny. 

• And then my trusty 'BIBLE' app! No theology student should be without this, it had the bible in tons of versions and you can skip to the book and chapter that you need.

Utilities just contains all of the default apps which apple gives you. They're pretty boring. Find iPhone has been useful in the past though - I'd recommend downloading and setting it up, just in case!

Being able to shop from my bed/the sofa/the kitchen has really taken it's toll on my budget... lazy girl problems. 

• The 'EBAY' app notifies me when my watched items auction's have nearly finished, lets me browse ebay for whatever I'm looking for and means I buy so many things I definitely don't need.

• 'AMAZON' is much the same as ebay. I add things to my wishlist daily and purchase things from it all the time too. If you don't have amazon prime for students get it! Free six month trial!

• The 'PAYPAL' app allows me to check my PayPal balance wherever I am. It notifies me when payments have been taken and also allows me to purchase some things using the app and paying on PayPal... a bit like contactless payments. Only works in some places but it's pretty cool. If you're at UoB it works at most places on campus!

These are the apps I turn to when I'm bored or need to kill time. You've probably heard of them all before but I'll briefly run over what I use them for:

• If you have a netflix account the 'NETFLIX' app is a must have. It allows you to do most of the things you can whilst viewing on the web, just on a smaller screen. Pretty useful.

• 'YOUTUBE' allows me to search for videos, watch videos, catch up on my subscriptions, etc. all from my phone.

• 'VINE' I use less often but check every now and then. If you follow the right people you can find some pretty funny videos on there.

• 'BBC IPLAYER' lets you watch BBC programmes on your phone. Basically exactly like the website, I can catch up on programmes I missed.

All my social networking apps go in this folder, you've probably heard of most of them before so I won't go through them, apart from the 'THREE INTOUCH' app. If you are on the three network this app's a life saver. Basically it allows you to make/receive texts or phonecalls over a wifi network. Which is really great for if you don't have signal.

These are the apps I use to edit/crop photos for instagram. They all have their own benefits and downsides so I won't go through those but even after cutting down my apps these were the ones I was left with, so I'd recommend them all.

These are the apps I use for music. 

• On the left the 'KISS KUBE' app allows me to listen to Kiss radio on the go, over my internet connection. Kisstory is probably the best thing ever, I love it. 

• Then, 'SHAZAM' allows me to figure out the name and artist of a song just by playing it and getting the app to 'listen', which is pretty cool and useful too.

Finally, if you own an iphone 5, or later, you'll know that lightning phone chargers are the flimsiest pieces of technology in the world. Not only are they almost 90% likely to break, but they also cost an arm and a leg to replace, just look at the reviews on the apple website. I heard on the grapevine that if you take your cable to an apple store within a year of purchase they'll replace it - so clearly they know there's a problem. I gave up buying the £15-faulty-but-still-apple-genuine cable in favour of the amazon charger, I have the 6 foot one. I also stuck some Sugru on mine to make sure that it cannot physically break. #studentproblems

Giving Blood

If you're aged over 17 and weigh more than 7st 12lbs (50kg) then you should be able to give blood. It's so simple to find somewhere to donate and can all be done online, all you have to do is turn up, fill in a form & answer some questions, donate your blood and then have a cuppa' & some biscuits!

Plus, you can take embarrassing blood donation selfies, like me.

The blood.co.uk website is really easy to use and has all the details and answers to any questions you might have. All you need to do is create an account as a first time donor, or if you're already a donor you can log in/sign up. They then take a few details off of you, such as your address, and then you take a look for a venue which is having a blood donation session.

In terms of the actual donation I found it to be pretty easy, comfortable and not stressful. I used to be really afraid of needles (when I was little I punched a nurse who was trying to give me an inoculation), but the nurses at the blood donor session were very calm, friendly and helpful, which made me feel much more relaxed. Obviously if you are really afraid of needles I would not put yourself through this process!

That's all you need to know really, but remember that 25% of people need a blood donation at some point in their lives, yet only 4% of adults are donors. One donation of blood can help up to three people, so it really is worthwhile.

Being Cheated On

Infidelity is one of the most devastating things those in relationships might have to cope with. Not only is it a betrayal of trust but it single-handedly ruins a jointly built up foundation of a relationship. When someone in a relationship is unfaithful it often leads to people, unwittingly and not rightfully, feeling pity for the other person. Break ups are hard enough but when you add infidelity it can make them harder to cope with, and the added factor of everyone feeling sorry for you, makes them even more embarrassing.

18.3% of women & 25.4% of men have admitted to cheating on their current partner at least once (according to illicit encounters). Unfortunately, infidelity happens more often than you might at first realise, of course this isn't really that reassuring, but it does help to know that there are other people who have struggled through just like you have.

It sounds dumb to say it, but be thankful that you now know. Illicit encounters also found that 19% of British women & 30% of British men would cheat if they wouldn't get caught out. Whether your partner decided to actually tell you, or you just found out, at least now you know the truth.

 

Don't allow people to pity you; this wasn't your decision. It was a selfish decision solely made by someone else, but that had a huge effect on you. It's hard for people to understand something like this unless they've been through it themselves, and sometimes the natural reaction is pity for the 'victim' and anger at the other person. Feeling as if people are looking at you with pity can make you feel even worse. Don't allow people to feel sorry for you, and don't mope feeling sorry for yourself. Make a conscious effort to move forward with it.

If you do decide to forgive them you must truly ask yourself if it's worthwhile. If they've cheated on you, or others, in the past, this might be the sign of a vicious cycle. They've had a second chance already, there may be little point in you giving them another one. Was it a slip-up or was it a long-term affair? A one-off incident seems much more forgiveable than something which they kept from you for a long period of time. It feels much more like it could be a genuine mistake. Assess the quality of your relationship at the time of the infidelity. It may be easier to forgive if you were aware that your partner was unhappy at the time, than if you thought it was all plain sailing and happy days. Finally, do they regret what they have done? They should be more upset about the pain they have caused, than you are.

Make sure that if you do choose to forgive them that it is your decision. A lot of people are willing to put in their two cents when it comes to cheating, but you need to make this decision separate to their opinions. This is your choice. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty for making a different decision from the ones your friends would want you to make.

Finally, it's the biggest cliché but, time heals all wounds. Give yourself time and give it time.

Relationships At Uni

Relationships whilst at university are a difficult one. Juggling spending time with a significant other, doing work and having a social life can be tricky, but they're (mostly) worth the effort. Here are my top tips:

MAKE IT EQUAL: make sure that you are giving the same amount that you are receiving. Sometimes if you end up making more effort, spending more money or giving more time to a relationship, you begin to feel resentful towards the other person. Try and make sure that you both spend an equal amount of time at one another's houses, and if you go out on a date try and both pay for certain aspects, take it turns to pay or just pay for yourselves!

COMMUNICATION: people always say communication is key and they're right. Making sure that you keep up communications with your significant other is really important, but that doesn't mean that they have to be at your beckoned call all the time. Schedule skype sessions or phone calls and make sure that you keep to those allotted times, making time for one another is really important and you don't let them down, or feel let down yourself. Then again, don't expect them to reply to you instantly all the time, it's not realistic or healthy.

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MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL: the smallest things can make the biggest difference. Let them know you're thinking of them, listen to them and make time for them. It's easy to do something small, but thoughtful, for them and it will make them feel really appreciated.

ARGUE IT OUT: a lot of the time people are scared of arguments because they want to avoid conflict in a relationship, but I would say that they're good for them. If you have an argument you usually dispute over something which is important to the both of you, it allows you to put your opinion across and sometimes put things out there which you may have not necessarily spoken about otherwise. If you can argue without fear of someone over reacting and blowing things out of proportion then you should be able to resolve most disputes. Make sure that you don't go to bed angry with one another - try and resolve things before that, though sometimes it is good to sleep on it.

BALANCE IT WELL: as I said before, it can be hard to make time for a relationship when you have so many other things going on. Try and get the balance right. Make time for your significant other but try to not let it get in the way of uni and seeing your friends. Sometimes it helps to plan ahead and keep organised, that way you know when things start to compromise others. 

TRUST ONE ANOTHER: the foundation of a relationship should be trust. Trust is so important because without it you are left feeling jealous, suspicious and uncomfortable. Do your best to be a trustworthy person, and do your best to trust in your partner. Be honest with one another and own up to your mistakes, flaws and issues.