Infidelity is one of the most devastating things those in relationships might have to cope with. Not only is it a betrayal of trust but it single-handedly ruins a jointly built up foundation of a relationship. When someone in a relationship is unfaithful it often leads to people, unwittingly and not rightfully, feeling pity for the other person. Break ups are hard enough but when you add infidelity it can make them harder to cope with, and the added factor of everyone feeling sorry for you, makes them even more embarrassing.
18.3% of women & 25.4% of men have admitted to cheating on their current partner at least once (according to illicit encounters). Unfortunately, infidelity happens more often than you might at first realise, of course this isn't really that reassuring, but it does help to know that there are other people who have struggled through just like you have.
It sounds dumb to say it, but be thankful that you now know. Illicit encounters also found that 19% of British women & 30% of British men would cheat if they wouldn't get caught out. Whether your partner decided to actually tell you, or you just found out, at least now you know the truth.
Don't allow people to pity you; this wasn't your decision. It was a selfish decision solely made by someone else, but that had a huge effect on you. It's hard for people to understand something like this unless they've been through it themselves, and sometimes the natural reaction is pity for the 'victim' and anger at the other person. Feeling as if people are looking at you with pity can make you feel even worse. Don't allow people to feel sorry for you, and don't mope feeling sorry for yourself. Make a conscious effort to move forward with it.
Don't allow people to pity you; this wasn't your decision. It was a selfish decision solely made by someone else, but that had a huge effect on you. It's hard for people to understand something like this unless they've been through it themselves, and sometimes the natural reaction is pity for the 'victim' and anger at the other person. Feeling as if people are looking at you with pity can make you feel even worse. Don't allow people to feel sorry for you, and don't mope feeling sorry for yourself. Make a conscious effort to move forward with it.
If you do decide to forgive them you must truly ask yourself if it's worthwhile. If they've cheated on you, or others, in the past, this might be the sign of a vicious cycle. They've had a second chance already, there may be little point in you giving them another one. Was it a slip-up or was it a long-term affair? A one-off incident seems much more forgiveable than something which they kept from you for a long period of time. It feels much more like it could be a genuine mistake. Assess the quality of your relationship at the time of the infidelity. It may be easier to forgive if you were aware that your partner was unhappy at the time, than if you thought it was all plain sailing and happy days. Finally, do they regret what they have done? They should be more upset about the pain they have caused, than you are.
Make sure that if you do choose to forgive them that it is your decision. A lot of people are willing to put in their two cents when it comes to cheating, but you need to make this decision separate to their opinions. This is your choice. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty for making a different decision from the ones your friends would want you to make.
Finally, it's the biggest cliché but, time heals all wounds. Give yourself time and give it time.
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