Being Cheated On

Infidelity is one of the most devastating things those in relationships might have to cope with. Not only is it a betrayal of trust but it single-handedly ruins a jointly built up foundation of a relationship. When someone in a relationship is unfaithful it often leads to people, unwittingly and not rightfully, feeling pity for the other person. Break ups are hard enough but when you add infidelity it can make them harder to cope with, and the added factor of everyone feeling sorry for you, makes them even more embarrassing.

18.3% of women & 25.4% of men have admitted to cheating on their current partner at least once (according to illicit encounters). Unfortunately, infidelity happens more often than you might at first realise, of course this isn't really that reassuring, but it does help to know that there are other people who have struggled through just like you have.

It sounds dumb to say it, but be thankful that you now know. Illicit encounters also found that 19% of British women & 30% of British men would cheat if they wouldn't get caught out. Whether your partner decided to actually tell you, or you just found out, at least now you know the truth.

 

Don't allow people to pity you; this wasn't your decision. It was a selfish decision solely made by someone else, but that had a huge effect on you. It's hard for people to understand something like this unless they've been through it themselves, and sometimes the natural reaction is pity for the 'victim' and anger at the other person. Feeling as if people are looking at you with pity can make you feel even worse. Don't allow people to feel sorry for you, and don't mope feeling sorry for yourself. Make a conscious effort to move forward with it.

If you do decide to forgive them you must truly ask yourself if it's worthwhile. If they've cheated on you, or others, in the past, this might be the sign of a vicious cycle. They've had a second chance already, there may be little point in you giving them another one. Was it a slip-up or was it a long-term affair? A one-off incident seems much more forgiveable than something which they kept from you for a long period of time. It feels much more like it could be a genuine mistake. Assess the quality of your relationship at the time of the infidelity. It may be easier to forgive if you were aware that your partner was unhappy at the time, than if you thought it was all plain sailing and happy days. Finally, do they regret what they have done? They should be more upset about the pain they have caused, than you are.

Make sure that if you do choose to forgive them that it is your decision. A lot of people are willing to put in their two cents when it comes to cheating, but you need to make this decision separate to their opinions. This is your choice. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty for making a different decision from the ones your friends would want you to make.

Finally, it's the biggest cliché but, time heals all wounds. Give yourself time and give it time.

Relationships At Uni

Relationships whilst at university are a difficult one. Juggling spending time with a significant other, doing work and having a social life can be tricky, but they're (mostly) worth the effort. Here are my top tips:

MAKE IT EQUAL: make sure that you are giving the same amount that you are receiving. Sometimes if you end up making more effort, spending more money or giving more time to a relationship, you begin to feel resentful towards the other person. Try and make sure that you both spend an equal amount of time at one another's houses, and if you go out on a date try and both pay for certain aspects, take it turns to pay or just pay for yourselves!

COMMUNICATION: people always say communication is key and they're right. Making sure that you keep up communications with your significant other is really important, but that doesn't mean that they have to be at your beckoned call all the time. Schedule skype sessions or phone calls and make sure that you keep to those allotted times, making time for one another is really important and you don't let them down, or feel let down yourself. Then again, don't expect them to reply to you instantly all the time, it's not realistic or healthy.

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MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL: the smallest things can make the biggest difference. Let them know you're thinking of them, listen to them and make time for them. It's easy to do something small, but thoughtful, for them and it will make them feel really appreciated.

ARGUE IT OUT: a lot of the time people are scared of arguments because they want to avoid conflict in a relationship, but I would say that they're good for them. If you have an argument you usually dispute over something which is important to the both of you, it allows you to put your opinion across and sometimes put things out there which you may have not necessarily spoken about otherwise. If you can argue without fear of someone over reacting and blowing things out of proportion then you should be able to resolve most disputes. Make sure that you don't go to bed angry with one another - try and resolve things before that, though sometimes it is good to sleep on it.

BALANCE IT WELL: as I said before, it can be hard to make time for a relationship when you have so many other things going on. Try and get the balance right. Make time for your significant other but try to not let it get in the way of uni and seeing your friends. Sometimes it helps to plan ahead and keep organised, that way you know when things start to compromise others. 

TRUST ONE ANOTHER: the foundation of a relationship should be trust. Trust is so important because without it you are left feeling jealous, suspicious and uncomfortable. Do your best to be a trustworthy person, and do your best to trust in your partner. Be honest with one another and own up to your mistakes, flaws and issues. 

Choosing A Second Year House

Most second year students decide to move out of halls and into houses for their subsequent years at university and there is usually a lot of choice when it comes to where you want to live.

We started to house hunt for our parents, the student houses were that nice...

CHOOSING THE RIGHT AREA. A lot of universities have an area where most of the second year students live, but this isn't the case with all unis. You will want to look at an area which already has a lot of students living in, that isn't too far away from campus and that is perhaps in an area you already know. Think about transport links or parking. Consider your price range and go from there.

CHOOSING TO RENT FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF FROM A PRIVATE LANDLORD. Some universities actually have student houses which you can rent directly from them. A university owned house is likely to be cheaper, and therefore within your price range, but is also usually less modern or as refurbished as other properties. Private landlords can come with risks but they also have benefits too. Although you will have to look for a house either online or through a lettings agent, which could come with fees, you are likely to get a more modern house.

HOUSES WITH NO SUMMER RENT. If you are able to find a house which doesn't have rent payable over the summer this could end up saving you a fair amount of money, you want to find a house with a nine month contract if this is the case. My housemates and I were lucky enough to find a house that was being renovated and refitted during the summer holidays, meaning we didn't have to pay summer rent and we would get new kitchens, bathrooms, furniture, etc. when we moved in! (This did prove to be a little bit of a disaster, but I'll post about that another time). Keep in mind that you don't get student loan payments over the summer months, but you may have to pay rent then.

BILLS INCLUDED. If you can find a house which has the household bills included in the rent this will save you a lot of hassle later on. The rent will obviously be more than a house which doesn't have bills included but could actually end up costing you less. You won't realise how much energy, internet or water you're using when you're in halls because you don't have to pay bills, they're usually included, but they can be pretty hefty and having them included in your rent will save you the worry of unexpected bills and ensures that the amounts are all split equally.

A REPUTABLE LETTINGS AGENT. We had quite a lot of difficulty when first looking at houses with a few lettings agents offering us the option of paying a 'holding fee' once we had decided on a house. Although there are perfectly honest lettings agents who let you do this the particular company we were dealing with turned out to be quite untrustworthy and we were glad we didn't go with them, or give them any money. Don't feel pressured into giving money over unless you are fully satisfied by what you are receiving, and what you are paying for. Sometimes agents try to put more pressure on you by emphasising how much interest they have had, or how little time you may have, although sometimes this may be true, don't allow it to force you to make a rash decision. If you start looking for houses early enough there will be plenty left with no need to rush or panic.

GET ADVICE FROM YOUR STUDENT UNION. If you are unsure on anything do go to your student union and ask them for help, that's what they're there for. They may be able to look over your house contract for you or provide a standard rental agreement contract for you to look over and compare with the contract you have been given to sign. They may be able to point you in the direction of a good lettings agent or help explain terminology that you don't understand.

And finally, don't panic. It's easy to start getting stressed out by your living arrangements for the next year. Whilst you're looking for a house you may see many others looking and the pressure of having to make a choice can be really hard. Make sure you keep up communication between your future housemates and everything will be fine. You want to enjoy searching for a house to live in, not be super stressed out!

Happy house hunting x

Choosing The Right Housemates

At a lot of universities you move out of halls at the end of your first year, and into a house for the remainder of your degree. This means leaving the flat that you shared throughout freshers and having to find a house to replace that flat. It also means that you have to make a decision about who you're going to live with. It's pretty scary stuff, but it's also really exciting.

The one thing we haven't worked out yet is how to get a nice photo of all of us.

Here are my dos and donts of second year housemates:

DO live with the same flatmates you had in first year if you all got along. It helps to live with someone that you've lived with before because you know one another's habits and what it is like living with one another. Even if you are bestest friends with someone, or get along with them, you don't know what your relationship with that person will be like when you're actually living with them.

DON'T live with someone you usually spend a lot of time with. If you end up living with someone you spend the majority of your time with you may find that you end up spending too much time with them, and that you don't get enough time for yourself. Although it can be useful to live with a coursemate (you can share books, discuss essays and help one another get up for lectures), you may end up feeling smothered because you cannot ever get away from that person.

DO live with people who you think are financially responsible. Finances and money are a big part of second year life. You may no longer have bills included in your rent, and therefore living with someone who you know will cough up money for bills is relieving. You don't want to be left in a situation where you're out of pocket because of someone else.

DON'T live with your boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other. Even if it's separate rooms. Just don't do it. I shouldn't even have to tell you but if something does happen which means that you are no longer together you will be living a life of misery tip toeing around them... You'll be living with your ex. It's a terrible idea, and your poor housemates will have to tip toe around you both too. Also, don't live with a couple.

DO live with people who have a similar sleeping pattern to you. This may sound weird but it's important. If you are someone who gets up really early and you're living with people who won't want to wake up until later you will have to tip toe around in the morning. Same if you are someone who likes to have really late nights, but your housemates don't share that, you will have to tip toe around at night.

DON'T panic. Don't make any rash decisions about who you're going to live with and end up in a house which isn't exactly ideal. As long as you are proactive and think carefully about whether living with certain people is a good idea or not, you should be fine. Don't rush into anything, think it through.

First Aid

There were quite a few times in my first year when people had a bit too much to drink and they needed looking after, but there were also other times were alcohol wasn't the problem and I had no idea how to help. After some quick googling and reading up on a few things I've got the low down.

PANIC ATTACKS: Panic attacks are part of the body's reaction to fear/excitement/stress and are a more common problem than you would first believe. When someone experiences a panic attack they can show a range of symptoms, these include: rapid or uncomfortable breathing, heightened heart rate, shaking and feeling faint. These symptoms usually last for between five to ten minutes, but can last longer, and leave the sufferer feeling panicked, as the name would suggest.

One way to help someone who is having a panic attack is to try and help them regain normal breathing. You can do this by making them breathe with you, you could start by breathing in for two seconds and out for two and then slowly increase this until they are breathing normally.

Another way to help is to reassure them. Keep calm and let them know that they are safe. Although what they are experiencing is scary, there is no danger, you will look after them and they will get through the attack.

Finally, ask them if there is anything they need or anything you can do for them. Don't assume that they need something, ask them. 

ALCOHOL POISONING: Sometimes alcohol can lead to someone becoming out of control of their own body and in situations like this they may need your help. If someone is vomiting, breathing irregularly, unconscious or conscious but not responding then they may be suffering from alcohol poisoning.

If someone is showing signs of alcohol poisoning, try to keep them awake and sitting up. Give them water to drink if they can and keep them warm. Stay with them and monitor their symptoms and how severe they are. If they have passed out then check their breathing and put them into the recovery position.

Don't leave them to just sleep it off or force them to vomit. Don't put them in a cold shower or allow them to drink anymore alcohol. 

If their symptoms are worsening or are not improving then seek help, and/or ring the emergency services.

DRINK SPIKING: If someone has put something into your drink that you were unaware of it could leave you in really dangerous situation. Symptoms of having your drink spiked include: loss of balance, blackouts, nausea, vomiting and blurred vision. 

If you are worried that yours, or someone elses, drink has been spiked find someone you trust such as a close friend, relative, medical professional or the police. Get them/yourself to a safe place but be wary of strangers and do not leave with someone you don't know. 

If you/they feel unwell then you/they need to be taken to A&E. Tell them that you think your/their drink has been spiked and arrange for friends/relatives to take you/them home and stay with you/them until the drugs have fully left your/their system.

Also, try and report it to the police as soon as possible, as most drugs leave the body within 72 hours of being taken.

AN OVERDOSE: An overdose occurs when someone takes more of a substance than is recommended for human consumption, this could be accidental or purposeful. Signs of an overdose include: empty pill packets or missing pills, vomiting, difficulty breathing, lack of coordination or unconsciousness. 

If you believe that someone has overdosed then try and find out what they took and how much, don't leave them on their own and monitor their symptoms. Call an ambulance straight away and don't let them drink or eat anything. Don't let them sleep, encourage them to throw up or try and put them under a shower.

If you're in doubt about any of these things you can ring the NHS direct on 111 to ask for advice, or if it is an emergency ring 999 immediately.

These situations all sound pretty scary but unfortunately they do happen and it's better to be prepared!

My University Room

Making your room your own at university is one of the best things you can do to help you settle in and to make you feel less homesick. As a second year student living in a house, I have more flexibility with the decoration of my room, and it's made me go a bit home-ware crazy.

The main theme of my room is the colour red. I happened to by some red & white polka dot heart bed sheets and then decided that everything else had to be red and white themed. 

 From left, clockwise:

POLAROIDS - I got lots of polaroid style photos printed online from square snaps (27 photos for £9.99) and I'm going to hang a piece of string on the wall and then clip them onto the string with these cute little heart pegs (£1.15 for a pack of 20).

BEDSHEETS - these striped sheets are from the IKEA DVALA range and cost only £20 for a double set.

LAMP - my lamp is also from IKEA. It's handy because it clips onto the shelves behind my bed and also has a bendy neck so I can point it in any direction I want. It was £10.

PINBOARD - so I may have slightly cheated in that the picture of the photo frame above isn't the one I ordered but it looks pretty similar. I got mine off ebay for £9.99.

My Second Year House

My five housemates & I have finally moved into our second year house, and whilst we were settling in I took some cheeky photos of the place to pop into a blog post (also to show to my Gran).

When we came to look at the house back in November, nearly a year ago now, it looked pretty different. One of the bedrooms was a smaller size, the kitchen was smaller and the bathrooms were in different places. Our landlord has chosen to renovate the house over the summer, for us to move in September. Unfortunately, there were major delays with the house that lead to it not being ready in time for our 15th September move in date, and we were put into temporary accommodation whilst they finished the house, which we moved in to on 8th October (it's a very long story).

However, now that we are moved in we are all so happy with our rooms, the house in general and that we actually have a house! 

Just to give you an idea of just how un-ready the house was when I came up to Birmingham on the date I was supposed to move in. That's the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom.

The house is now mostly finished, although there are some things which need tweaking and other things which still haven't been fitted.

This is one of our upstairs bathrooms.

Another upstairs bathroom - the one that I use.

The kitchen, with a tumblr drier which is still to be fitted into the utility room.

And the living room.

Overall, a pretty decent house, especially for students. The house has six bedrooms and three bathrooms, over three floors, and the big kitchen is perfect for all of us.